A New Era

For those of you who have wondered where I’ve been…

I took a step back for a very important reason: I had a baby.

I’m in my 30s now and this was not only something I wanted to do but something I needed to do — sooner rather than later. It’s something I’ve held close to my heart, and until now, I’ve chosen to keep it private. I have had fertility issues, including a devastating lose, that was really hard on me.

If you’ve known me for a while, you’ve probably noticed that I don’t share much about my personal life online… I value having pieces of my life that belong to me and unfortunately the internet has a way of turning deeply personal experiences into something they’re not. I’d hate for certain aspects of my life to be fetishized or reduced to content.

But I’ve been craving authenticity. It doesn’t feel right to simply disappear and return without acknowledging one of the biggest chapters of my life.

This pregnancy wasn’t easy. After experiencing lose, I spent the entire time on pelvic rest and navigating the anxiety that came with it. I developed severe iron deficiency and needed IV infusions. There were days where simply getting through the day felt like enough.

Now, two months postpartum, I’m adjusting to a body that feels both familiar and completely new.

I’m about twenty pounds heavier than I was before pregnancy, and I’m slowly — very slowly — losing the weight.

My body has changed: I went from a 34B to curves I’m still learning to recognize in the mirror. If I’m being honest, this is hard for me to talk about. I’ve struggled with body image most of my life. In the past, I have received comments when I gained as little as five pounds. Those experiences have made it difficult not to internalize the message that my worth is tied to staying the same size.

There are moments when I worry people won’t find me attractive anymore because my body is different. It’s uncomfortable to admit that out loud, but vulnerability often is.

One of the books that has stayed with me over the years is The Gifts of Imperfection. Brené Brown writes about the courage it takes to be seen as we are instead of who we think we’re supposed to be. I’ve thought about that often these past few months.

It’s easy to celebrate confidence when everything feels polished. It’s much harder to embrace yourself when your body has changed and social media is full of stories about people “bouncing back” seemingly overnight.

The truth is, I haven’t bounced back. My body doesn’t look the way it used to. I’m sharing this not because I owe anyone an explanation, but because I think honesty matters. So many people silently carry their fears, believing they’re alone.

Thank you to everyone who has given me grace while I stepped away. I’m excited to slowly return to creating content and reconnecting with all of you.

My life looks different now but it’s more beautiful than I could have ever imagined.